-Black Cat- (auddie) wrote,
-Black Cat-

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Waits at the window, wearing the face that she keeps in a jar by the door...

Shit. *lowers head* Why can't I do anything right? In the end, it doesn't matter...I always turn up to be the bad guy, as usual. I try to help but it doesn't matter. No, and that's what I hate about myself. Now you have to know, I'm pretty satisfied with myself, but why do I chase things I can not control? Depression. Ha. It's a joke. Depression is much, much more powerful for me to understand. Especially since I don't know what it's like.

I feel like I got stung in the face. My words feel like absoulute garbage. They probably are. I don't know. I couldn't tell you since it all came from my mind. My advice seems the worse of the bunch.

And who am I kidding?

What was so wrong that you couldn't find a way to carry on?
Second guess
Did I do my best?
There was a friend I had...

...I ain't no fucking hero
I'm just trying to survive myself.

I have to understand. Depression is the beast. It's what warped Havana's mind. Havana didn't yell at me in her journal. It was the Depression. And it's so hard for me because I have to watch one of my friends be so suicidal. And guess what? I can't do a fucking thing except wait.

Like Ashley said...you just got to hang on. Be by her side and fight it out. It's like the flu. Nothing you can now except fight like an animal. And in the end once again...someday...it could be days, weeks, months...perhaps a few years, Havana will return back to her old self.

God, I'd give anything for her to be happy again. I remember those days when she didn't worry about anything. Love never was an issue ever, or Depression never came up because hell, none of us had it. It was just us amigas...Sam, Havana, and me. I know those days will come up again. I'm not a doubter. Sure, our childhood was bliss, but so will be our adulthood.

I got to stop being a hero, cause I'm not one. I never was and never will be one. I got to be a friend now. A best friend.

For starters, I shouldn't bitch about how hard it is to deal with friends who have depression. I should be helping them, not moping. If I do, Depression might warp my mind. That's damn right!! *stomps all over her following post up there* No pity for me. :P I don't want it.

Second off, no matter what happens...even if I get yelled at, or ignored, hell, I better keep fighting. My best pallie ain't yelling at me, it's that stupid Depression. *snarls at him* xD My friend is in NEED! NEEEEDDDD!!! I...I got to do something!!

*smacks head* That's what being a best friend is about ya'll! I...I *lowers knees* ...Jesus, I gotta do something. That's...whoa.

And that's ALL I have to say about that...

I don't know, but I believe in yesterday
And what it means
To bleed and know that you're okay

Are you waiting?
No matter what you say
No matter what you do
No matter what, I'm always right there behind you
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